As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
