I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
