I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
