I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
