I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
