I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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