that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
