Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Boobs are out for the taking
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize