Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
