I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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