So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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