So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
