His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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