Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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