Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
