my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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