We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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