More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
