Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Randomize
