five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
