I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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