ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
