i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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