If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
