absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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