I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
