you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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