Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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