he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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