A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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