they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
