never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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