the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize