Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
