He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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