forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
