Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
