then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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