a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You ruined the universe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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