Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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