There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
