Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
