stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
