I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
