There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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