Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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