Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
are you so shy because you have an std?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
