next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
