How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I sprained my soul last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
