Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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