someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
