We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
