I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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