I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mom said you looked used
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
