failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
