I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
