Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
