careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
