I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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