Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
