Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
