i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
