I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
