Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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