All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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