never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I won the penis lottery.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
