Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
