how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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